i would love to know the feeling of a man giving me alot of attention.... oh how uplifting that would be for my self esteem ;)
im am so repulsed by the feeling of my body and my mind...and i hate myself for being like this... i feel like cutting my skin off to take the feelings away.... i havent felt like this in a long time....2 months ago my whole being gave up...i could not talk i could not coun i could not hardly move... it was like i had gone back to being a baby but in a adult body. my brain was fizzled....WHY doing way way too much trying too hard or really trying tio live with all the tough trying things i have to look after in my life.....my brains working, i can ,move but im in self destruction . ive given up on everything positive i do to keep well....im not going to gym , not reading my self help books and im being bulimic everyday to deal with all my emotions ...ive given up on myself and i am a discusting person having such a violent disease......i know i will get out of this ...but this has been the worst ive ever been.....every good thing i do for my health and sanity ends up being for nothing :( and i dont fell sorry for myself.. i hate being like this
ive just realized...ive dissociated myself from the few people who care about me because i cant deal with my own hell i go thru....i know that they dont understand and i truely dont exspect them too.. but ive cut myself off from them all and decided to only socialize through EP because i can go to groups where all the people are suffering the same life consequences as i am ....thw crazy thing is im conversing with people i dont even know and have never met ! so how does that work i say to myself ? Ive just off loaded my few dear friends that care about me and i know ! for people i dont know but understand.... Wow this is unbeleivable.... but i feel i dont hv to face any questions and dont hv to explain my pain ? :(
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experience project.......... i need to thank you. this site has been a great comfort for me. just by being able to type all my feelings down it has given me a sense a support in which i do not get. i can express any thing i like and feel with no reservation how great does that feel...... damm good.. thnk again
Previous Postsattention, posted August 26th, 2012
repulsed, posted August 6th, 2012
push my friends away, posted August 4th, 2012, 1 comment
people **** me, posted August 1st, 2012
expression section, posted July 21st, 2010
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